I just realized I haven’t said a single word about pregnancy on the blog until now. In the beginning, it was a lesson learned. When we found out we were pregnant last February, we started telling people right away, even though we were only 5 or 6 weeks along. We had been “trying” for a year and a half. It was such a relief to finally know “we’re pregnant”. We even went so far as to tell Bugs, although we did debate it. Then, two weeks later (March 9th), we found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, and I had to have emergency surgery to remove the little life that was growing in the wrong place. It was….devistating. It was hardest explaining it to Bugs. She was SO beyond excited that she was going to be a big sister.
After recovering from surgery, the surgeon (the fertility Dr.), explained to me that it would probably be harder to get pregnant again. With only one tube (the other had to be removed because it was too damaged by the pregnancy), my chances were half what they had been. If it had taken me 1.5 years to get pregnant, I would have to double that expectation with only one tube. So, for our own mental health, Joe & I decided we weren’t going to “try”. We weren’t going to labor over ovulation charts and basal temperatures and whatever else people do when they’re trying to conceive. We decided that it would happen when it was supposed to happen. I started eating healthier, dropped 15lbs, we started bike riding with Bugs, and just went on living our lives, being thankful for every moment we have together.
At the end of August, Bugs started talking about babies again. She’d mention it here or there before, sadly stating in that matter-of-fact kid way that “God had to rescue our baby because it was growing in the wrong place”, but in the end of August, she asked me one night if we could pray before stories at bedtime. I said sure, and when I asked her what she’d like to pray for, she said that she wanted to pray for a little brother or sister. She said she learned that God would listen to us and that we could ask Him about anything, so she wanted to ask Him about a baby for our family. About two weeks later, she was still asking this every night, and I suddenly thought “maybe I should take a test”. I wasn’t late, I didn’t feel any symptoms, but something in my gut was telling me that maybe this wasn’t just a coincidence. Maybe God laid this on her heart because there could be a baby? When I asked Joe if he thought I should take a test, he said we should wait – tests are expensive! But I urged him to go out and get one, not one of the pink lines tests, but one of the pricey “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant” digital tests. I wanted a clear answer. So we took a test, and lo and behold “Pregnant” popped up on the screen. We were…dumbfounded.
We agreed immediately that we weren’t going to tell anyone until we were sure, until I had gone to the dr and had all the necessary testing to be sure that this pregnancy was in the “right place”, that my hormone levels were right, that everything was as sure as it could possibly be. I had blood work, ultrasounds, and by the end of September we were sure the baby was in the uterus, we’d seen the heartbeat fluttering away, and we were still only 7 weeks along, so we decided to wait until 12 weeks to officially announce the pregnancy. I started having morning sickness around that time, constantly nauseaus, throwing up multiple times a day, often in front of Bugs. She constantly wondered why I was so sick all the time, and all I could tell her was that my tummy just wasn’t feeling right.
In the beginning of November, we finally got to tell her the good news. She was a little shocked at first, just smiled her way through the rest of the night. At bedtime that night, she said that she wanted to pray again, this time for a healthy baby. She’s been praying the same thing ever since. We found out right before Christmas that we were having another girl. For weeks before, Bugs had been saying she wanted a baby brother. She had prayed specifically for a brother, would tell anyone and everyone that she wanted a brother. I think she talked about it so much that we kind of believed she knew. She came with us to the ultrasound to find out what we were having, and when the tech said “it’s a girl”, Joe and I both looked at each other, then at Bugs, and waited. She got a huge smile on her face and then asked to leave. Just like finding out we were pregnant, she needed a little time to adjust to the news, but then she was all over being a Big Sissy to a Little Sissy. She wants to help with every aspect of the baby, constantly telling us she’s going to ask my mom to teach her how to cook so she can cook for us, telling us she’s going to help give sissy a bath and a bottle, that she’s going to learn how to read in Kindergarten and then read all kinds of books to her sissy. She’s taken to helping me cook dinner, constantly chattering away about how she can do this all by herself when sissy is born, that me & Papa can just take care of sissy while she cooks for us. She gives sissy good morning kisses and good night kisses, snuggles up to me on the couch and says she’s just “snuggling with the girls”, and constantly talks about all the fun things she will teach sissy about and do with sissy when she’s able; dancing, singing, silly dance parties, dress up, play princess, play house and restaurant, etc.
We’re 6 months along today. Just this past weekend, Joey & Bugs got to feel the baby kick for the first time. Six months in, and it still sometimes feels like it’s not happening. Oh, I definitely feel pregnant. But this time around is decidedly different than the first. It’s calmer. There’s a peace knowing that none of it’s in my control. With Bugs, I was constantly reading pregnancy websites and blogs, planning her nursery from the very beginning, wondering constantly who she was going to look like, what she would be like, and how much birth was going to hurt. This time around, there’s just not as much time for all that. And, I think we’ve learned the lesson that we’re not in control. That no matter how much I worry, plan, or practice things, they will go how they’re meant to go. We haven’t picked out a crib, figured out whether the girls will share a room or not, even cleared out space in our room for the baby for the first few months. Just about the only thing we’ve decided on is the name: a random, beautiful-to-us name that we’re not sharing until she comes out. We’re trying to enjoy this moment for as long as it lasts. This pregnancy won’t last forever, the aches and pains will go eventually, and it’s most likely the last pregnancy that I’ll experience. So today I’m thankful for each time I get to feel the baby kick, for every conversation that I get to have with Bugs about sissy, for every time she leans in and kisses my belly good morning or good night.
The verdict is still out as to how this guy will respond to being a big brother….
